Hogwarts Boyfriend List
by Lily got an iPod
Summary: Based on The Boyfriend List by E. Lockhart. Tiny HBP and DH spoilers. Read more inside.
1. The List

Author's note: I do not own Harry Potter or The Boyfriend List. Now enjoy the story!

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Hogwarts Boyfriend List

Name - who they received it from.

It is I, Sirius Black, age 17, here to initiate the Hogwarts Boyfriend List. I read a fascinating Muggle book over the summer and thought "Hey, why doesn't Hogwarts have one of these?" So I decided to make one. Fill it out and pass it on!

**Sirius Black - started the Boyfriend List.**

Girlfriends: Too many to count.

Boyfriends: I'm a ladies' man, through and through, thanks.

**James Potter - Sirius Black, best friend.**

Girlfriends: Lily Evans, my one and only. We're going to get married and have a baby boy named Harry. Fo' shizzle, my home skillet biscuit. :) Peter lent me a book of Muggle slang over the summer.

Boyfriends: Well, Moony and I came close once, 1st year. We don't like to talk about it.

**Peter Pettigrew - James Potter.**

Girlfriends: None, unfortunately. Maybe this is why James thought it would be funny to send it to me.

Boyfriends: Umm...

**Remus Lupin - Peter Pettigrew.**

Girlfriends: None so far. My studies are far more important. Besides, I'm a werewolf. No time for girls in this old boy's schedule, I'm afraid.

Boyfriends: Prongs and I had an experiment my 1st year. Bad times...

**Nymphadora Tonks - husband, Remus Lupin, who kept it all these years.**

Girlfriends: Had a friend once who I was with...Anna, I think her name was. I set her bottom on fire, I did. No, literally. We never spoke after I extinguished the fire and she stormed out.

Boyfriends: Kingsley and a few other Aurors. Of course, I end up marrying the love of my life, Remus Lupin. He's funny, smart, and everything else good in life. :)

**Harry Potter - Nymphadora Tonks.**

Girlfriends: Cho Chang, almost Hermione Granger, and finally my current girlfriend, Ginny Weasley.

Boyfriends: None, of course. I'm no Lance Bass.

**Ron Weasley - Harry Potter, best friend.**

Girlfriends: Lavender Brown, and Hermione Granger, my current almost girlfriend.

Boyfriends: I peeked at Harry once or twice when we showered back in sixth year. That's all, I swear, mate! Just some troubled times...

**Hermione Granger - Ron Weasley, best friend.**

Girlfriends: None, of course. Though I've read these "fanfictions" before, and I am astounded at the amount of girls who I've been paired up with. Honestly...

Boyfriends: Well, there was that guy who almost beat Ron for Keeper who I went to a party with, whose name escapes me. Harry and I tried it once. It didn't work out. Ron Weasley is my current almost boyfriend though. Only he better get a move on. It annoys me so that he's waited this long when he's obviously been in love with me since...well, forever.

**Ginny Weasley - Hermione Granger, best girl friend.**

Girlfriends: None.

Boyfriends: Harry Potter, of course. And for those of you who think you have a chance with him (yeah, I'm talking to you Mary Sues out there), you better get some help, because you're being bloody delusional.

**Draco Malfoy - found it in the hallway.**

Girlfriends: I don't count. I'm bloody gorgeous. I don't need a girlfriend count to prove that.

Boyfriends: None, though I am sure I spotted Weasley checking out my buttocks in the shower on more than one occasion. Hmm...

**F****red and George Weasley - stole it from Draco Malfoy.**

Girlfriends: Millions! Billions! Trillions!

Boyfriends: We don't roll that way, sorry.

**Luna Lovegood - found it at Bill and Fleur's wedding.**

Girlfriends: None.

Boyfriends: None. Love is evil.

**Neville Longbottom - Luna Lovegood.**

Girlfriends: None. I'm ugly as hell, everybody knows that.

Boyfriends: You're kidding me, right?

**Lavender Brown - stole it from Neville Longbottom's seat in Potions.**

Girlfriends: I kissed Parvati once as an experiment once, but I've never had a real girlfriend.

Boyfriends: Plenty. I am, after all, the queen of all Hogwarts gossip.

**Parvati Patil - Lavender Brown, best friend.**

Girlfriends: Kissed Lavender once. I'd never do it again...she tastes like cheese.

Boyfriends: I went with Harry Potter to the Yule Ball 4th year. That makes up for all the boyfriends I've had.

**Severus Snape - confiscated from students.**

Girlfriends: None, but Lily Evans was an almost. How I loved her. Little rainbows popped up when she walked by, and the house elves did a jig when she spoke.

Boyfriends: None, not that I don't find men appealing. Those magazines have gotten me through a lot, after all. :)

**Sibyll Trelawney - Severus Snape.**

Girlfriends: None.

Boyfriends: None. Just leave me alone. :(

**Albus Dumbledore - "borrowed" it from Professor Trelawney, end of Boyfriend List.**

Girlfriends: A cat once, though it just turned out being Minerva playing a trick on me. Sneaky bitch...

Boyfriends: I do remember being in love with a sock named Marty once upon a dream, but alas...it ended when Marty shriveled up in the wash.

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What did you think? This was my first attempt at a humor story, so be easy on me!

The original story was supposed to be a chapter for each character with stories for each girlfriend and boyfriend.

Update: I decided to continue and extend the story! Yay! I'll be doing Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood, and Neville Longbottom. :) It's not so much, considering Luna and Neville don't date at all, but just to not seem so lazy, I added them anyway. :D


	2. Harry Potter

Harry's famous, yet he's only had three girlfriends. Loser. :)

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My first girlfriend was Cho Chang. I really liked her at first, and I was thrilled that we were together. Then she started getting a little weird. After a while, I was scared to be in the same room as her, for fear that she would kill me with Care Bears. She tried once, I swear. I tried to end it, but she threatened to cut off my manhood. I couldn't risk Little Harry, so I stayed with her for a while. Then I ran when I had the chance.

_"Harry!" sang Cho, skipping down the corridor toward Harry and Ron._

_"Yeah?" said Harry. He was getting a little nervous. Cho was now bouncing up and down on a pogo stick. Hey! What the hell? That thing came out of nowhere! Cho's really scary._

_"Will you have a tea party with me? Mr. Snuffles and I have the tea and biscuits all ready on the table for you!" screamed Cho. It was a bit frightening. She was now foaming at the mouth._

_"Umm...Ron, don't we have somewhere to be? Hold on a minute...did you say Mr. Snuffles?" asked Harry. _

_"Yeah, he's the cutest dog you've ever seen! I found him wandering in Hogsmeade. He was writing an S in the dirt. I don't know what he was going to write, but he's so smart! So that's a yes? Let's go!" yelled Cho, not even waiting for an answer. _

_"Uh..." said Harry. _

_They walked outside, where Harry saw that she had indeed set up tea and biscuits. She had painted the ground and surrounding walls a bright neon pink. She also put Seamus and Dean in Little Bo Peep outfits to go with "Mr. Snuffles", whom she had painted white to make a very scary looking sheep._

_"Isn't it adorable, Harry?" giggled Cho. When she didn't receive an answer, she turned around to discover that Harry had run for his life._

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This is only the first part of Harry's chapter. I wanted to get something up, so I went ahead with this. The rest should come within the week.


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